So, that was 2011

I know, technically speaking that was a week ago - but I do have other things to do (work, run, eat, sleep etc...) and if you've read this blog before you'll know how long it is between posts anyway! On the plus side, it won't be too long before the next post comes along (I know, you wait ages, then two at once) because I'll have to do the "So, this is 2012" version as well.
Anyway, 2011. Well, an interesting year - it's the year I finally decided that photography was over. For most of 2010 i'd been struggling with motivation, with finding outlets, with finding new places to visit. In hindsight I should have continued to be happy just being out in the countryside making artistic images. Trying to make a successful (albeit part-time) business wasn't necessarily a bad idea, but in a recession the first thing people forego is a luxury such as artwork. What started the seeds of dissatisfaction were my images of Northumberland taken in 2009 - what I feel is my strongest work, and yet no interest from galleries, magazines etc. From then it was a downward slope to finally deciding enough is enough this year. I took all my camera gear to the Lake District in August, used it twice and came back without a single image I was happy with. So, Natural Britain Photography is no more. I still own the web address, I still own the equipment, who knows, in years to come I may start again, even if only for fun.
In music and books nothing much changed - I still love both! Prog rock still draws me in, classical is catching my attention more now (Classic FM in the car, starting to buy CDs) but it is a very large minefield - there's hundreds of years worth of music to find out what I do and don't like! Still, I've got a few years left in me to work my way through things.
The other major change, which started in January, and is still going strong, is that I took up running. Weighing 12st 4lb was too much, and I was fed up with not feeling that exercising "high" so I decided to do something about it. It's been an interesting first year - from thinking that 2 miles around the block was impressive as a starting point to my current longest run length of 15 miles. In between I've entered races, joined Fenland Running Club (a truly great group of people), entered more races etc. I've now completed 5k, 10k and Half Marathons (all more than once) and have got some PB times I'm proud of. I'm also down to 10st13lb (still a way to go yet) and have discovered foods I didn't know I liked. Who knew that baked beans on toast was nice (especially Heinz BBQ beans with red pepper), who knew that bananas were that tasty? I know, 39 years old and only just discovered those two, but hey, life is an exploration!
So, i'll finish with my top albums of last year, then it's on to 2012!

Opeth - Heritage
Airbag - All Rights Removed
Dream Theater - A Dramatic Turn of Events
Memories of Machines - Warm Winter

All brilliant for different reasons!

Challenge 40 starts here...

So, I had this genius idea - next month is my 39th birthday - which coincidentally means 1 year from then I'll turn the big 40! (Thankyou, I know, I don't look old enough etc, too kind...)
Anyway, back to reality - odd times in the past i've had a chance to do something big, and shied away after thinking about it...so, leading up to my 40th i've decided to stand up and do the odd stupid/amazing (you delete as appropriate, i'm really not sure!) thing.
The idea is Challenge 40

What is Challenge 40 I hear you ask (okay, so that's poetic license, my hearing isn't that good!)
Well, I decided, in the one year (approximately, may go over by a day or three) I'm going to do four large (to me, Ranulph Fiennes needn't start worrying i'll usurp him as Britain's top explorer) challenges/adventures. Initial plans have been knackered slightly as one of them was to be the London Marathon, and I didn't get in (makes it rather difficult to claim that one!), and then the idea of doing it all for charity got very complicated as I have no idea how to get national publicity, or raise loads of money (and the local Special Needs School, who would have been one benefactor, aren't registered with a Gift Aid number, making it impossible to use VirginGiving).
So instead, it's just me against 4 challenges, 1 for each decade of my life...
1. Yorkshire 3 Peaks
2. Run The Wall (24 hours, Carlisle to Newcastle along Hadrian's Wall)
3. A marathon, somewhere, probably in August time if I can find something
4. Hereward Relay, run as a solo Ultra

and today I officially entered Run The Wall so now it's all underway! Yorkshire 3 Peaks should be around Easter as i'll be on holiday in the area then. Hereward Relay is at the end of November (hence possibly running slightly over the year) - as for the marathon, well, I'll have a look to see what I can find.

In the meantime, if there are any experts in promotion and planning who want to take over organising a huge fund-raising push, well, get in touch as raising money would give me another incentive to finish what i've just started!

No Whining, I Promise!

Okay, so i've left it a while since my last post - mostly because that one was full of whinging and moaning, and, being honest, i've only got four readers, so I didn't dare upset any of them by moaning some more!
Anyway, apart from the fact my legs are killing me (okay, not literally, because that would be a rubbish, low budget horror movie), i'm not going to moan at all in this post (although I may mention my legs again...oh, and my feet!)
So, anyway, why am I more positive now?

Simple really, despite hardly running last week at all (3 and a bit miles of pain doesn't really count!) I ran the Perkins Great Eastern Half Marathon yesterday....and got a rather nice new PB of 1:47:55!!

Yes, my legs hurt like hell today (and did I mention my feet?) but I don't care - From only having started running in January I now have PBs for 5k, 10k and Half Marathon...and they're all reasonable times.

Right, I'd better keep this short or you'll all (that's the 4 of you!) think I'm a complete big-head and show off....

Grrrr.!

Yes, I know the title isn't very good English...i'm not even entirely sure it's the correct spelling, I mean, how many rrrrrs should there be, and how do you know when to stop spelling it?
Thing is, it describes my mood perfectly - and i'm not sure why? Hot weather all last week...actually, no, let's go back further... 2 and a bit weeks ago I took part in my first ever half marathon - at Grafham Water. As it was mostly off road (my preference it has to be said!) I set myself the modest target of beating 2 hours - and was amazed, chuffed etc etc when I crossed the line in 1:50:55!! Yes, a whole 9 minutes (well, and a bit) quicker than I hoped. Okay, so my legs ached, but that's kind of understandable. Anyway, so, very good mood....
Last weekend (not the one just gone, i'm coming to that) I thought I'd use the benefit of all that extra strength in my legs, so I took part in the West Pinchbeck 10k, organised by Spalding Tri Club. Despite feeling heavy legged, and the final 4km (one perfectly straight road, if you know Fenland you know what I mean) being directly into a rather strong head wind I got another shiny new PB - 48:21. Cue more chuffedness (is that a word?!) etc.
So, back to this weekend - hot weather for the last few days. Did just over 6 miles on Saturday evening, heavy legged but hey ho, then another just over 6 miles Sunday lunchtime - mid-day! (Don't start, yes it was hot, yes it was hard work...but if it's that hot on the day of a race i've entered i'm going to run so it makes sense to get used to it!). All feeling good, apart from quite a lot of calf/achilles soreness - but I expected that, last month I did of 107 miles running (my previous best was 69!)
So how come I now feel completely fed up with work, life, people, colleagues, clients and Uncle Tom Cobbly? (Actually, he's worst of all, 'cos it might be Cobbley and I can't be bothered to look it up). People at work are annoying me through being a bit selfish with holidays at short notice when we're busy (and by short notice I mean hours!), clients are annoying me with stupid enquiries or ideas, work itself is annoying me because it has been for ages (i'm fed up with my job, and all it entails) and running is annoying me because I can't! Tapering down for my next half marathon (Perkins Great Eastern in Peterborough on Sunday if anyone wants to come along?) and resting my still sore Achilles as i'm hoping for a good time and don't want to overdo anything and ruin the chance.

So, there you go, whinging grumpy old man time...and no, writing it didn't really help....

A new me

Right, I'm back, i'm writing...and things are very, very different.
Reading back over the last few entries it doesn't really surprise me that I was diagnosed with depression - but I'm also quite proud of some of the words I wrote.

Anyway, all that aside, let's discuss what's changed...

Firstly, i'm no longer a photographer, well, not really! I haven't taken any images I've been proud of this year, mostly because I've hardly been out taking photographs this year. I still have the gear, I still see images, but I don't seem able to connect the two in my head, or in the camera. Even two weeks in the Lake District did nothing to inspire - I loved looking at the views, but felt no urge to capture them, to wait patiently...something that pleased both the dog and the wife! Still, who knows, one day the urge will return, of that i'm sure. Until that time, all my work is with The Octagon Gallery in Wisbech to sell if they can, and me...well, i'm doing other things!
Secondly, I'm not depressed - an understanding doctor, a few months of medication...and the knowledge that I had a problem have sorted that. There is a little part of me that still seems dark, and it appears that I may suffer from Seasonal Adjustment Disorder - so that's something to look forward to as we head into winter! Seriously though, just knowing that makes it easier as I can spot signs and do something about it. However, there is another thing that is helping...
Thirdly, I'm now a runner!!I know, I was surprised too when I found out. Seriously though, I started running gently (1 or 2 miles at a time) at Christmas. Now, 9 months later, I'm a member of Fenland Running Club, have competed in a number of 10k races on and off road (PB of 49:43, but I'm hoping to do something about that on Sunday), and last week I did my first Half Marathon (Grafham Water, mostly off road, time 1:50:55 - very, very pleased!!). Running seems to be filling a need to do something. I'm sleeping better, seem (mostly!!) calmer and less stressed, whether at work or home, my mind seems sharper and I feel a lot healthier. Since Xmas I've lost about 8kg (roughly 18lb in old money for those born before me!) - halfway to my target, but still enjoying my food just as much. I'm also setting myself targets, entering races, and having stupid ideas involving ultra-marathons etc. After a few injury niggles I've also started working on core exercises and whole body stretches and (touching huge amounts of wood now) everything seems to be going well.

Things that haven't changed :
I still have the wife (although why she puts up with me I don't know), I still have the collie Piper (although why he...no, that's just daft - I walk him and fuss him, that's why!).
I still love music, although I've had a few weeks of not really listening (just being a bit jaded really) three new albums have sparked the love again. Anathema - Falling Deeper is good (not great, but good), Dream Theater - A Dramatic Turn of Events is also good (still listening and waiting to see if it's as good as most other people say) and Opeth - Heritage is downright amazing. It's that good i'm actually rationing myself so I don't do my normal trick of listening to it so much I overload then can't hear it for another six months (me? OCD? well, maybe!!)
I'm still Head of Design for the UKs largest flightcase manufacturer, although that's less fun than it used to be... I wonder what else is out there...

Okay, so that's anyone who stumbled on this very bored now so i'll leave with just one thought...
Yep, thought so!

Belonging

I seem to have lost my feeling of belonging, my sense of place. I feel disconnected wherever I go, like an outsider looking in. I was born, brought up and still live in Wisbech, and yet this is not my town anymore.
Walking in the woods today felt right, felt like I should be there, as though the woods wanted to let me in. Gently moving along the paths, making no noise, the woods opened themselves to me, allowed me to see their wonders, the squirrel high on his branch, the new shoots of Spring
Who knows where we truly belong?

An observation...

Frost on the pavement sparkles at night like the light of a million stars reflected from the sky above...

So many little thoughts...

I was going to write a rant...but I've had a good weekend so I'll save it and do a few one-liners instead....

Got the latest Breathing Space album - Below The Radar... music is MUCH more to my taste than the last one, but Livvy's vocals are still a bit too "nice" for my personal preference

Saw The Imagined Village at Northampton yesterday - two things instantly come to mind. Firstly, what a fantastic place the Royal and Derngate is....wonderfully, renovated, helpful staff, great venue... Secondly, The Imagined Village are one of the best bands I've seen, entertaining, highly skilled, great feeling of togetherness....and a highly original sound. Very, very worth going to see - and so friendly that within 10 minutes the whole band were out signing CDs etc.

Decorating is still rubbish! At least the room I'm working on is finally taking shape. Crown Suede effect paint is fantastic....

That's it really...busy weekend, still no photography - I'll have forgotten how my camera works soon!

Slight Changes

This morning the greyness splintered, albeit only slightly, allowing the pink of dawn to wash the clouds, giving the look of the inside of a shell. Curiously the birdsong was more muted, as though seeing the light made them less keen to sound their voices, preferring a muted chorus to tone with the muted warm tones of the light.
A sunny day, once again emphasising what a difference the glow of the sun makes to both the countryside and the spirit. The clear sky gave an amazing sunset afterglow, as though the whole land were on fire and reflecting from the heavens. That clear sky is causing the temperature to drop again, hopefully the frost will bring with it fog... and I will be late for work in the morning as the camera takes over from clockwatching...

Grey Part II

Walking Piper this morning, still pre-dawn (officially), and I realised that birdsong was filling the air. Despite the complete blanket of greyness the birds could obviously sense the beginning of the day, the first feeling of the sun rising. The song was a random cacophony as each species felt the need to herald the new dawn, calling louder and louder to make themselves heard...such a beautiful start to the day...

Sadly that was the best of it, the light never improved, it was no brighter by lunchtime! Spots of rain, cold wind...why can't winter be real - ie frost, ice, snow...

Grey is a state of mind, a state of weather...and it's not a pleasant place!